Spinning Out of Control

Last Updated on February 12, 2025 by Lisa Keys

Are you spinning out of control? When life suddenly takes a sharp turn, like an unexpected loss or the sudden onset of a life-threatening illness, how do we react? It’s easy to feel like we’re on a downward spiral, but let’s not spin out of control. Take a deep breath.

In this life, pain is inevitable, but suffering is not. What does that mean? First, it means acknowledging that adversity will occur. Unless you live under an exceptionally lucky star, negative experiences are bound to come your way. Forget the toxic positivity that insists everything will always be fine. Loss, illness, and pain are part of the human experience. They’re unwelcome, but they’re also quite common.

Second, it means that you have the power to choose how to respond to adversity. While pain is a physical sensation, suffering is a state of mind. How will you respond to pain? Will you let the experience overwhelm you, or will you focus on resilience and acceptance instead?

Think about how you want to use your energy. Don’t waste it trying to change the past. No matter how badly you want it, you can’t fix what has already happened. Furthermore, don’t waste your time panicking about the future. Focus on your present thoughts and emotions. Channel that energy into hope. In doing so, you’ll find that you’re ready to face the storm. And hopefully, you’ll have support along the way.

How To Help Those Spinning Out Of Control

Speaking of support, let’s consider what it means to help others in their suffering. How do you offer support when someone is drowning? Are you the type of person who jumps right in to share in the struggle? Or do you stand on the sidelines, tossing a life preserver? Perhaps you’re someone who simply can’t bear to watch the struggle and walk away. Which one are you? And which one do you want to be?

Think about it. Ask yourself: How do I walk with someone when I know I can’t fix it? How do I hold someone up when they can’t bear the weight? The answer is simple: just be with them. Sit quietly. Allow them to cry, to feel angry, to express their pain. Become an angel in this world. Enter the heart of their experience and pain and be a companion. It’s not glamorous. Often, it feels awkward. But your willingness to face their suffering is a beautiful thing.

And there’s something else that’s beautiful: our profound differences. We are left, we are right, and everything in between. Yet, we all share the same human experiences—love, loss, joy, hardship and on occasion, spinning out of control. It’s easy to find beauty in life when everything is going well, but there is beauty even in the hardest of times.

Adversity reveals our true character. This grief lesson illustrates what I mean. It’s during these moments that we discover the depth of our resilience, our capacity to persevere, and how we connect with others in ways that transcend our differences. When someone is suffering, our ability to offer genuine compassion becomes a testament to our humanity.

The act of simply being with someone during their suffering might seem basic, but it is one of the most profound gifts we can give. We live in a world where many people are looking for quick fixes, a world that often encourages us to solve problems and move on. But sometimes, the most healing thing we can offer is our presence. When someone is grieving or in pain, what they need most is not for someone to offer solutions, but for someone who understands. Being present with someone in their pain creates a space where healing can begin—not because the pain disappears, but because it is acknowledged and shared.

It’s easy to feel helpless when someone we love is suffering. We may desperately want to make things better, but some struggles are beyond our power to fix. The beauty, however, lies in the shared experience of suffering. By offering a listening ear, a hand to hold, or just sitting in silence, we communicate something powerful: You are not alone. We often underestimate the impact of simply being there, but that compassionate presence can serve as an anchor, helping the other person regain their balance.

Offering support not only helps the person in need, but it also allows us to grow. By stepping outside our comfort zones and sitting with someone else’s pain, we expand our own emotional capacity. We learn empathy, patience, and acceptance. We come to understand that while we may not always be able to alleviate another’s suffering, we can stand by them, offering comfort in ways that words alone cannot.

In difficult times—whether we’re struggling ourselves or helping others through their challenges—we must remember that adversity, though painful, is not the end of the road. It’s simply part of the human condition. While we can’t always control the circumstances we face, we can control how we respond to them. Our choices to embrace resilience, offer compassion, and walk together through suffering can transform pain into strength, connection, and even beauty. Life may seem like it’s spinning out of control at times, but through acceptance and mutual support, we can regain our balance, one step at a time, together.