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To Keep Or Not to Keep that is the Grief Question

Keys U.S. Navy camouflage uniform to keep or not.
U.S. Navy uniform

To keep or not…

Update: Sadly this book was lost in a the Culinary Cellar Flood

A Man A Can cookbook To keep or not
the perfect book for barracks living

Next month will mark 4 years since William died and I am still sharing his stuff. What to keep or not…I told you it takes time. Just recently I sent this cookbook to my friend Debbie of Culinary Cellar fame. The time was right. I had the privilege of visiting with Debbie and her thousands of treasured cook books back when William was in boot camp at Great Lakes, IL. This book, a Christmas gift from me to him, was hard to part with, but I knew there was no one better than Debbie to keep it safe. Turns out Debbie is “honored” to have it and knew the author to be a judge at several of the Pillsbury Bake-Offs. I wonder if David Joachim was at the bake-off in San Diego on the day William decided to join the Navy while I was baking my award winning scones?

no surprise I wrote: "be safe" on the inside cover of the cookbook
no surprise I wrote: “be safe” on the inside cover

When it comes to cooking there is never any question that I keep a few canned goods in my pantry. How and when to use them is easy. I use a lot of canned beans like chick peas and kidney beans and tons of canned tomatoes and coconut milk. Although I haven’t tried these recipes I thought I’d share a few that appealed to William.

shrimp cocktail recipe card
coconut chicken recipe card

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Veronica

    March 8, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    I just love that the marine took the time to send you a note…what a thoughtful gift he gave back.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      March 8, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      I love that his fellow marines and sailors keep in touch. They are amazing and thoughtful and have really helped me heal.

      Reply
  2. Carol

    March 8, 2015 at 5:22 pm

    I treasure the sniper tee shirt you gave me as well as the camo shirt (same one as pictured). I would have great difficulty deciding what to keep and give away. I think about William every day and try to focus on all the wonderful memories we have of him. Hugs Lisa! xoxo
    PS: I love those “Man & Can” cookbooks!

    Reply
    • Lisa

      March 8, 2015 at 6:18 pm

      I am pretty sure that you are William’s other mother. xoxo

      Reply
  3. Lou M

    March 8, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    Seems like a great book for bachelors. May have to try that shrimp cocktail recipe.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      March 8, 2015 at 6:19 pm

      Perfect book for bachelors, dorm living or for those who live in the barracks and only have a microwave. Lots of great recipes!

      Reply
  4. theculinarycellar

    March 8, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    Lisa, Kristina and I are putting up our feet for 1/2 hour until the next event at the Home & Housewares Show, so I decided to turn on my iPad and just read your blog. I am still in awe of having William’s cookbook. It will be treasured forever and I am so honored you trusted me with it. I feel chills just touching it. Thank you for the privilege to have it on my shelves. Love you my friend.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      March 9, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      Having this very special book in your care makes me happy. I am grateful for your connection to my family.

      Reply
  5. Donna

    March 8, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    TY for your story.This month marks the 2nd anniversary of my Toms death. We met in hs, courted in college and shared 2 daughters & 40 years of marriage. We had known each other 50 years.
    So hard. As a professional he dressed every day so I had a drawer full of beautiful ties . I actually had emergency eye surgery the day after he died but went thru his ties and pulled one for each of our immediate family / friends at the celebration dinner. His fun teacher ties went to his nephew to carry on the tacky tradition of holiday tied ( much like sweaters for females.
    His $$& tie went to my brother the CPA, his Red Sox ties to his brother. This started my healing. It helps. When his nephew got married I sent him Toms Shaker box from his bureau. Each gift releases tears but it is a cleansing. Like you I sent his clothes to a Navy vet in need. Slowly his things are dwindling but great thought helps.
    God Bless

    Reply
    • Lisa

      March 8, 2015 at 8:50 pm

      Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry you lost your Tom. What a blessing to be able to share his ties and the Shaker box with so many wonderful people. “Each gift is a cleansing” I love the way you think. It reassures me that I am doing the right thing.

      Reply
  6. cookinformyboys

    March 8, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    Oh Lisa, your writing is strong and full of common sense and still I cry. I think that sharing Will’s things will continue to keep his memory alive in so many hearts. It’s been 32 years and Jeffrey’s special toys and clothes are still in my attic. Why? I just can’t bear to toss them in the trash so they remain with me until I am gone. It’s so wonderful that you have shared Will’s things with people who treasure them, what a beautiful idea. Hugs to you and thank you so much for this blog.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      March 8, 2015 at 8:58 pm

      Oh, my friend–holding onto Jeffrey’s toys and clothes is perfectly normal. They are indeed special. I have many of William’s possessions that I know I will never part with. I don’t think I could throw one thing away ever. Thank you for reading and sharing. xoxo

      Reply
  7. Krista

    March 8, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    I can’t tell you the emotions that your timely post addressed as our family grapples with how we will deal with Aidan’s room and belongings. My children and I have already worn many of AJ’s clothes. Sometimes seeking comfort and other times out of necessity. My daughter needed athletic pants since hers were all too dirty (lol) and his lacrosse goalie stick and gloves sit in my husbands truck. Every item requires great thought.
    I shared your post with my husband and children. They read it thoughtfully. Dinner was quiet, but I think they learned that they are not alone in trying to know the right thing to do with AJ’s things. Thank you

    Reply
    • Lisa

      March 9, 2015 at 4:13 pm

      Your story brings tears to my eyes. I wear one of William’s sweatshirts all the time and I still hold on to a bottle of his cologne just to remind me of his sweet smell. I wish I could wrap my arms around your whole family, but until then I send you strength and cyberhugs. Take your time as every item is so special.

      Reply
  8. savourytable

    March 8, 2015 at 10:17 pm

    Your posts are always so heartwarming to me, someone who has lost many loved ones, but never a child. You are such an example of strength and grace in the face of the most unimaginable pain and loss.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      March 9, 2015 at 4:14 pm

      Not the easiest stuff to read so the fact that you hang out with me here leads me to believe that you are a strong and giving person. Thank you x 100!

      Reply
  9. patcook1

    March 9, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    {{{HUGS}}} to you, Lisa. Hard to believe it is nearly 4 years. You will always know the right time for you to do what you must.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      March 9, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      Thank you dear Pat. Your support and wisdom gives me and others strength to keep on going.

      Reply
  10. Tracy

    March 10, 2015 at 4:10 pm

    I take special care when I clean Cole’s room and come across Will’s sunglasses. I love your stories Lisa.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      March 12, 2015 at 6:47 pm

      William loved those sunglasses and I hope Cole wears them some time. Thanks for reading those stories.

      Reply

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